Soft Yet Intense
by haveyouseenmyhaggis
Summary: After the events of the film, McCoy comes to realise he thinks of Jim as more than just a friend. One-shot. Slash!


**Title: Soft Yet Intense**

**Summary: After the events of the film, McCoy comes to realise he thinks of Jim as more than just a friend. One-shot. Slash!**

**Author's Note: I went to see the film again today and loved it even more and have now decided that Kirk/McCoy is my favourite pairing of all time - right up there with Torchwood's Janto. So I wrote this. Seriously, I was writing it on the bus home. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Trek 2009. _**

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I can't deny it any more. I wish I didn't feel like this but I do and I hate it. Having your heart broken by love once in a lifetime is enough for me, thank you very much. If this goes wrong I could lose Jim as a friend and I couldn't handle that. But at the same time I can't contain this feeling anymore. The events of today saw to that. He's sitting behind me right now, his shirt discarded on the floor so I can treat his various injuries. He's come out of this much better than I thought he would considering what he went through.

It was one hell of a day though. Jim's trial was just the beginning and it seems mundane looking back on it now. I watched as he stood up there on his own in front of everyone and I wanted to shout at him and hug him all at once. Commander Spock was telling him all the things he needed to hear; all the things the rest of us didn't want to say but it shouldn't have happened that way. Not with everyone watching. I saw the way his shoulders tensed as he listened to the hobgoblin talk. It wasn't fair.

Jim never accepted fear or death – I've noticed that much. His retaking the _Kobayashi Maru _exam is all the proof I need. I was there for his first two attempts too. He acted calmly and made all the essential decisions but the frustration and denial was set in his eyes. When the lights flickered out and he was told to leave I saw his expression darken and his fists clench by his sides. I remember shoving aspirin down his throat the morning after to treat the hangover in time for class. He just didn't understand. He couldn't accept it and my heart went out to him as Spock told him that he "of all people" should be able to understand the purpose of an unbeatable exam.

Then when he was told he was grounded… He told me to "stay safe" with a clearly forced smile and I knew immediately that I couldn't leave the stupid bugger behind.

I later regretted that decision. All I did was worry about him. Sure I'm glad I took him because we'd all be dead otherwise but I saw him get hurt so many times in just one day. When he heard about the lightening storm he just changed. He was running around all over the place trying to make himself heard even though I was trying to treat his reaction to the mud fly vaccine. I didn't know whether to believe him and I tried to get him to shut the hell up but he wasn't having any of it. I admire his guts but the boy can be a bit of a handful at times.

And _then _he went diving out of the ship with Olsen and Sulu to disable to Romulan drill. When Olsen was reported dead, my heart shot into my mouth. Jim! Was he okay? Had be landed? Was he heading for the same fate as Olsen? When I heard Chekov say, "Kirk has landed!" I could breathe just a little easier. But then, dammit, he dived headlong off the fucking drill to rescue Sulu and we only just managed to beam him back up - only for him to turn up in the medical bay with an injured hand from a run in with a Romulan.

What hurt me most, however, was Spock deciding to maroon Jim on planet Delta Vega. When the Vulcan knocked him out and insisted he was put in a shuttle… My first instinct was to argue and defend my friend, but I knew it was best to keep out of it. I'd only end up marooned with him and people on the ship needed me. At least he'd be safe, surely? There was a Starfleet outpost on that planet and he'd be okay, right? As I watched the shuttle being launched I felt my stomach tighten. As I tried to go about my work helping the surviving Vulcans, my thoughts kept returning to Jim. Was he awake yet? Was he hurt? Was he going to be okay? I could have hit Spock when he didn't seem to understand that he _needed _someone like Jim on the crew.

The relief I felt when Jim beamed back on board the ship was incredible. He was in trouble though. Something was different. He was on some sort of mission. I wanted to intervene when he started laying into Spock about his mother and his planet but something told me Jim knew exactly what he was doing. Jim wouldn't do that just for the hell of it, would he? I know him too well. I really thought the Vulcan was going to kill him. I think we all did. Everyone on the Bridge was silent as the Spock held the young cadet by the throat against the controls. I found myself holding my breath in fear. The atmosphere was so tense you could cut it with a knife. I wondered if I was the only one that could see the pain and terror in the farm boy's eyes when Spock let him go.

The final straw was him going to the Romulan ship. When they were off the radar it was one of the hardest moments of the whole experience. I hated not knowing if he was dead or alive. He returned triumphant but shaken and it was then I realised he was more than just a friend to me.

Everything that happened today is the reason why I'm standing in my office in the medical bay with Jim still conscious. Normally I'd have him sedated by now but he asked me not to and for once I want to respect his wishes. I let him sit and talk while I treated him. I think we both needed to talk. I tended to him carefully, trying not to hurt him any more than he already was. He's a mess and he's going to have one hell of a bruise around his throat tomorrow morning. He's in a lot of pain but he's still sitting on the edge of the medical bay bed swinging his feet and watching me quietly.

I turn around and walk back to him, "You should rest."

He shrugs and sighs. I guess his mind, like mine, must be racing. His eyes meet mine and I see all the day's weariness, fear and hurt screaming at me. I can't bear to see him like that. Before I know what I'm doing, my lips are against his, his head held between both my hands. I'm gentle because I'm all too aware of the scratches and cuts beneath my fingers.

For a moment he doesn't respond to my kiss but once the shock wears off, he's kissing me passionately but tenderly back. Nothing heated, just soft yet intense. His hands are sliding down my back and under my shirt and my heart leaps in my chest doing some sort of bizarre dance. All I can think about is Jim. The feeling if him holding me close. The taste of his lips on mine. Jim… My right hand remains against his cheek and my other slips down the back of his neck, holding him tightly against me as I come as close as I can to him. I feel his legs around my waist and I hold back a groan. This just feels so damn _right. _

When we come up for air, he moans slightly and doesn't open his eyes for a moment. When he does he looks puzzled but pleased. I'm glad he didn't push me away or yell at me. He slowly and almost reluctantly lets me go and I can tell neither of us want to rush this. If we're going to do this right, we have to take things slowly.

I take his hand carefully in mine,"You should try get some sleep, Jim," I tell him eventually, still standing close enough to feel his breath on my lips. A small smile plays on his lips and I can't help but smile back at him before turning my back and heading out of office, my lips tingling.

_End_


End file.
